My Body is a Cage...

Today was definitely one of the more difficult days of the year. After what was a great weekend with a long run with a solid finish, and then an awesome tempo run on Sunday, I was feeling great (well better than before but not 100%) and that Around the Bay was on, and could still manage to get a PB. However, Monday was a pretty painful start to the week, but I just figured that was normal considering the hard last few days of training. Tuesday, I thought I would be back, but no, pain is an understatement to what I felt for the entirety of the 21k haul around the neighborhoods. With every step I hurt. Not just in that damn leg, but everywhere. My body literally felt like it was falling apart, at every since one of my joints - my feet hurt, tibias, knees, hips, everything was hurting. Then today came, and as you probably know by now, on the Wed. before all my races I do a solid fast workout to set the stage for Sunday, and take mental note of my feelings throughout, always aiming to end the workout fast but with energy left in the legs to leave me confident and wanting more. Got to York, nice an early, did a good hour long swim, then marched outside to do a 8k warmup before the workout. First couple steps, okay that's okay, then 1k in and damn I'm in agony. 4k I literally stopped, and took a seat on a close-by snowbank. I'm not going to going into detail of everything I said outloud to myself, at this point I did not care if someone passed by or whatever, but basically it went like this, "I can't do this anymore, I'm done with this." I ran the last 4 k back, in silence, I turned my music off, and just hobbled back to the gym. Being me I did a couple running drills and for a moment thought eh what the hell let's grab my spikes, and head to the track. But as much as every part of me wanted desperately to go, every part of me could not go bring myself to put myself through that pain again. So I got changed, and left the gym in silence, pissed off, angry, annoyed, frustrated, confused, and losing hope. Honestly, I don't know what I feel, or what to do. All I know is that right now Around the Bay is in serious doubt.

Believe me, I have tried so hard, and given everything I got to try to run a successful race on Sunday. No one can possibly question my drive, my discipline, and work ethic. I have battled so much adversity, and usually I use the tough times as something to look back on on race day for motivation, to say to myself look what I had to go through to get here. But right now, I wish for once I didn't have to push through and face adversity constantly. For once, why can't it be easy, and let me run uninhibited and free. Running is everything to me. It's my social life, my after-school activity, my defining feature that makes me who I am, and makes me different. So if I am in pain during my run, and unable to run like I want to and need to, the strain it causes is mentally exhausting. I'm not the type to give up, nor will I ever stop trying, so right now the plan is simple. Don't run for the next 3 days - thurs, friday, and saturday, and pray to God that I wake up Sunday with my leg rested and ready to race. Obviously taking 3 days, and since today was a joke of a run, and yesterday's 21 was pathetic, so really 5 day off before a race is not optimal, nor is it conducive to achieving the time I set out to accomplish, but maybe, just maybe, my body will recover and let me be me on Sunday. You may ask, why is this race on Sunday so damn important. You are young, aren't their so many more races to come, this is just an insignificant one along the path to bigger and better things. Because, I see each race as an individual goal, or objective, or task, whatever you want to call it. I set a goal, and by not lining up on Sunday, I failed to achieve that goal, meet that objective, or accomplish that task. Just as much as I love to win, I am absolutely terrified of failure. So, I will rest the leg, try to do some pool running to keep that neuromuscular connection, and pray that God will grant me this miracle, and maybe have a transcendent performance on the weekend.

Early Season Ups and downs

Haven't been able to update blog in while since I have been busy with stupid group assignments in school - and by group assignments I mean me doing everything but for a group mark, so strap in this is a very long post, please stick around to the end. A few weekends ago (Feb. 23rd) marked the beginning to what I'm hoping to be an excellent season where I smash some PBs, build on what I've already accomplished so early in my running career, and give my all to improving each and every race on my long path to my ultimate goal: to be the best. Unfortunately, I had a pretty injury riddled December. On Dec 5 I had to take a week off after beating my left tibia to smithereens and suffering a stress fracture. My own stubbornness and aggressive training caused it -with november having my all time fastest ever average. The simple fact is injuries are inevitable, and sure I could train conservatively and stay injury free for the next 60 years of running, but if I'm going to accomplish my ultimate goal I need to train aggressively, and with that I am putting my body at risk for injury. As the great Italian coach Renato Canova said: in training you are always red-lining. Meaning you have to give 99.9% effort in training because less than that and you will never amount to anything, but if you go at 101% than you will break - literally and figuratively. So December mostly entailed taking a week off completely from running, biking like a mad man on my trainer, and then slowly getting back to running comfortably. It took a while before I actually started doing some tempo work again and intervals, because I was still in some discomfort on easy runs, and just not confident that my tibia could hold up. More than the physical pains, psychologically these injuries are sometimes just as hard to get through. Because microtraumatic injuries really have no clear-cut timeline, you are left without any direction and you basically have to see how you feel from day to day hoping you will be better the next day.  Eventually though, I got back into the swing of things and in Jan. until race week logged 7 consecutive 24+ hour training weeks with lots of biking, running, and strength work. Although don't want to give the impression those were all done without any issues. I pretty much bounced around from different aches and pains in my knees especially, and IT bands - most likely from the increase in biking not from running.  But notwithstanding that, I got to the start line in one piece and relatively confident that I could push myself pretty hard. Only problem really was that over the last couple days leading into the race my right tibia this time starting getting that o-too-familiar pain that I just went through with my left. Lining up on the start line, the goal was go sub 1:13:30, maybe get a win, but most importantly give a strong effort. Now, 1:13:30 is a minute and a bit off my PB, so you may be wondering why I'm aiming backwards. Well, I wasn't comparing this race result to what shape I was in at the Mississauga Half where I set the PB, instead I was comparing this result to where I was last year at this exact point (at the Winterman half). Not to mention the fact that Mississauga is a fast, downhill course, and according to many runners I have talked to about this race, it is known for being challenging. The course is set up as an out-and-back, where at 6k or so you get to the Peterborough Lift Lock and one hell of a hill. After that hill the course is composed of rolling hills until the turn around, and to just make sure you got your fair share of hill training, you have to do this all over again on the way back including that other side of that monster hill at the lift lock. So suffice to say, much more difficult than the Mississauga course in beautiful 9-10 degree weather, and a slight downhill the whole way except for one big hill at 9k.

Before the race I already knew I had some serious competition going up against the New Zealander Jesse Gibbs who won the Hamilton Marathon a couple years ago, a couple other 2:30 marathons in NZL, 1:44 at around the bay, and some fast halfs. My goal was pretty simple stick with him as long as I could and then break him at the lift lock hill on the way back (15k). From all my biking and strength work after being injured, I figured the uphills would be my points of attack. So we lined up, me and Jesse talked about the gameplan for first few clicks and I said 3:24 or so for first few. Gun sounded to start the race and 2014. That 3:24 idea was obviously too modest, within a couple hundred meters, me and Jesse were clear of any other runners and clocked a 3:04 first kilometer. Basically, when I heard my watch beep signalling the first k and looking seeing 3:04, I laughed and remarked over to Jesse, "So much for 3:24." This was definitely one of the lighter moments as it was quite obvious both of us were not planning for that fast of an opening, and slowed down quite a bit pretty much as soon as our watches both beeped simultaneously. Not too much though 3:17, 3:18, 3:19, 3:21 next 4 k, and hit the five k mark 16:22, compared to my 16:44 opening 5k in mississauga half where I set my 1:12:22 PB. So to sum it up, I was feeling pretty good about the time, but was concerned that my HR felt really high and the legs actually didn't quite feel how I wanted. We got to the lift lock hill for the first time and we both powered up it. Definitely was a cool feeling, and felt eerily similar to that hill at Boyd Conservation Park at around 2.5k in high school cross country, because at the top of the hill a few hundred people were cheering us up the hill - maybe looking to see which person would win this mini-race within the race. And ya I felt pumped up, but Daaamn that hill was steep. So as expected we slowed and clocked a 3:32k. Then on the equally steep downhill, the first sign of trouble hit, Jesse pulled away from me putting a good 20-30m gap. Why? Because of my right tibia and left tibia injury a couple months earlier, I have basically been conditioned to go easy on downhills because the pain that it causes to both bones. Seriously, I have tried to practice downhills to get better but psychologically these injuries have just made it very difficult to just fly uninhibited down a hill. So I had to push hard and catch back up to Jesse on the next uphill (like I said before from here to the turnaround was rolling hills - not as steep obviously, but longer). And from here to about 9k this pattern continued, Jesse would pull away on downhills, and I would have to dig deep to push hard to catch back up to his side on the flats and uphills. But at 9k after one more downhill, Jesse put a little larger of a gap maybe 35-45 meters, and even though I tried hard to catch back up, those previous efforts clearly took a little sting, and pop out of my legs. We hit the turn around, and we cruised maintaining the gap at about 100m maybe less, but going strong. At 13 slowed a bit and started feeling tired, but decided that I would not give up and just picture those super Kenyan runners like Wilson Kipsang going into trance mode looking ahead, expressionless, and tune everyone and everything out around me. I stopped hearing all those people on the other side of the road still approaching the turnaround telling me I could catch in, or reel him in. I focused on nothing, not the wind, or the sound of my feet, my breathing, Jesse ahead. And just as bad and tired as I felt a couple k back, logged a couple 3:24 kms. And the belief was back that I could catch Jesse and all I had to do was beast that hill at the

After the second time up the hill at the lift lock, 4-5k left.
And no, that's not a smile, it's just how I tend to grimise. Sorry
about image quality. Btw check out those new
orange (sorry solar zest) adios flats.

lock, and hopefully he would slow slightly on it. But unfortunately he didn't slow at all on the hill, and even though I still put a real hard determined effort on that hill, that steep downhill after beat the crap out of my right tibia and I slowed. The next 3-4k were some of the toughest clicks I have ran in my life. I was tiring, and now going into a strengthening west wind. I tried hard to get back into that trance mode but couldn't quite find it. 1 mile to go, I could still see Jesse hes about 1 min ahead. I figured that lead would be insurmountable but thought let's just put the hammer down, looked at my watch for the first time and saw holy smokes I'm not that far from PB if I can put a 5 min mile down I could do it. Well, I put a valiant effort in and even closed the gap to 45 second,
finished second with 1:13:17, my third fastest half on a tough course, and not PB condition with the wind the last 4k. So I was pretty darn happy with the race and my effort, knew what I had to work on (downhills), and to add to it won free entry to next years race, a free pair of pearl izumi shoes, gift cards, and bunch of other stuff (over 250$ worth of prizes).

But little did I know what was lerking in the distance - Sorry this is such a long post, lots of stuff has happened in the last couple weeks. The next morning, put my foot to the floor and could barely walk, maybe this was just some usual-post race pain, but no, I knew this pain o too well. Next few runs were a little gnarely to start but okay after 10 minutes or so. Then Saturday a true beast of a run thinking I was down and out at 24k, but then hammering 3:30 pace the last 6k for a solid 1:57 30k long run - not fast compared to any race pace but considered I was taking it easy first 20, then felt like garbage next 4 I was thrilled. Sunday morning came along, and I didn't look or feel good outside or during my intervals. The tibia was in serious pain, and by Tues I was back to taping the tibialis posterior for yet another medial tibial stress syndrome and now praying that I can prevent it from progressing to stress fracture this time. If a stress fracture ensues in the next week, then the first half of the season is in every respect over and would need to just start planning 2015 - or fall 2014. I'm praying this doesn't happen and hoping I could stop this cycle. It is so frustrating to not be able to train how I want to, and need to to achieve my goals. Plus, its the fact that last year was by every measure a true breakthrough year with PBs in every distance, but not just PBs by the skin of my teeth, but obliterating them: in the half by 6 and a half minutes, and by an unheard of 18 minutes in the marathon. To have such a year like that, I was expecting so much from this year, and right now I'm not close to where I intended on being. With these injuries I'm not only not improving, but I can feel I'm regressing and on the cusp of causing permanent damage in both my tibias. So if I am to avoid season ending, and career shortening injuries that limit my ceiling, I need to make some radical changes in training, and my overall approach. Because the definition of insanity is continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Now that's not to say I haven't tried new things, I have added lots of strength and core work to my routine, and biking to try and work the quads a little harder to balance them out with my hamstrings (which are tanks). So, as of yesterday (Mar 4)  I am adopting Bowerman's and Delinger's Hard/Easy Training Principle which has been adopted by so many world class kenyan runners. Basically, this entails running slower and easier than I ever have on easy days, and then going harder than ever before on hard days. For now obviously with the injury, I am going really easy, hopefully Sunday I am able to get a speed workout in (was planning 30X400m). Basically the idea is that most people including me go moderate pace (4 min) on their non-workout days, and then don't go hard enough on the hard workout. But the moderate on the easy days does still put more stress on the bones (tibias) and they never can really recover. Plus, the muscle is continually getting microdamage and never really having any time to heal. The Hard/Easy has been used by so many Kenyans, but it has also been heavily criticized with many people including myself before saying that those really really easy runs are pointless and just junk miles as they are commonly called. Many people also say (again including me last year especially) that you do gain alot of benefits from those moderate pace days which are not included in the hard/easy program. Basically, the popular saying is that how is it possible for the athlete to get ready to race when they are essentially jogging 4-5 times per week (wed was 4:38 avg, and tues was my slowest of all time 4:48, both 20k runs) and doing only 2 hard fast workouts until they puke every week. But as many critics as theree are, I need to change something because even though last year was in fact a breakthrough year, I will never be able to achieve my goals if I am limping from injury to injury. Plus, I think that if the Kenyans do this training method, how could it possibly be so bad. But let me tell you this will take some serious adjustment and commitment. Tues when I tried my first really easy run if I stopped paying attention for a few seconds I would look down and see I was back near 4 min pace. So it took alot of focus to go that slow, but hoping that my bones thank me, and can maybe get 2-3 real good weeks of training injury free and line up at the around the bay start line ready to PB.

Update: Ya it's strange to be updating a post that I am just posting online now, but I had starting writing this post a few days ago and once again lots of stuff has happened in only the last two days. Thurs. was my most challenging day yet. After starting this new training scheme, and hoping the easy running would maybe help cool down this "flare up" in my tibia, I hobbled to the bus stop in the morning, and sat in class thinking about what this meant. Is the season over? I even pulled out a sheet of paper before class and wrote out some scenarios. Stuff like, if I take the next couple days off what happens? Or, if I run today and just tape it up - what are the outcomes. The theory was, if I run then: A. hurts quite a bit first couple k than settles down and this pattern continues for next few days but eventually self-corrects, B. Limp throughout the run causing some further microdamage in the bone causing me to take a week or so off, C. Bone is badly damaged and can't run for next few months. Clearly it was 2-1 for the not-run camp, so I decided to atleast take the day off. But then on my way home from school after pilates and a good workout on the elliptical, a strange thing happened the bone felt a little better. Was this the miracle I was praying for. I even got inside a tried some running As, and ran back and forth in the upstairs hallway doing some drills and stuff. It felt fine. So I got my stuff on, said another prayer before I marched outside and ran. Well, within 200 meters the tibia starting hurting again, and for probably the first time in my life turned back around to the house, angry and more frustrated then you can imagine. I have treated my body with such respect feeding it only the best foods possible for it, and working so hard on strength and cross training, to only get stabbed in the back (or in the tibia) by it once again. Really, I can't understand how it is possible for me to get another stress fracture doing way less mileage than what I was doing before - from august to october I averaged over 200 k a week with that one massive week in there - 230 something, and now averaging like 60% of that and adding only 5-6k per week (way less than the recommended 10% increase in mileage). But anyways, hopped on the bike and powered through for yet another hard, long, and frustrating indoor bike ride - its not the bike ride that was frustrating, its just I much rather be running. Then onto today, got up and decided I would give the run one more go before saying goodbye to the spring season. This time I wanted to get in a hour long swim (at 7:30) before the run to see if the cold hydrostatic pressure applied by the water would help alleviate some of the inflammation around the bone. The plan was to go out, run and if it started hurted than just turn around and elliptical for a while. Started running, and everything was decent, the discomfort was there, but it was okay. Definitely better than the day before. Originally I said if it felt good I would run than circle back to tait, grab my trusty adidas cosmos spike and head to the track center to do some 400 m repeats. I had done some bursts in the final couple kms of the 14 km warmup, and thought that the bone could handle the speed. Now, you might think has he lost his mind, ease back into running man. My answer back is that at this point with 3 weeks and a couple days until around the bay, and only 11 weeks or so until the Ottawa Marathon, basically the choice came down to this simple (yet obviously not since I debated this throughout my warmup run in my head): take time off now and you won't be ready for Ottawa or around the bay, get injured from not easing back into running and you guessed it you won't be ready for Ottawa or around the bay. So pretty much I figured I might as well keep training because taking time to ease back and taking time off for injury both result in the spring season being a write off. So grabbed my spikes, and ran over to the track centre, popped em on and let me tell you I was actually pretty nervous. Sure, normally strolling into the track centre, and ripping off something like 10 by a mile, I feel pretty confident and cocky. But this time I really didn't know what to expect, would I sprint around the first bend and be forced to stop from searing pain in my leg and limp my way slowly around the track with all the other sprinters, coaches, and Ben Johnson (he was there today) watching. Jogged around a bit, and then popped off 400 meter repeats in not WR but a pretty solid pace averaging 71 seconds for the 10 repeats (2:57 per km avg) with 200m jog in between each. Felt pretty good both the truly amazing feeling of wearing my spikes that i've had since grade 9 (8 years) ran in for both track and xc (a total of around 24 races through the four year of high school), and the nice feeling of the soft springy track with banked turns. As I ran back over to the gym to change, shower, and get ready for class, I had a little swagger in my stride, and felt why can't I just stay in this moment forever. I pray that tomorrow, I will get up and be able to keep running because there really is nothing else in the world that gives me that same feeling I get running full speed, sweat beading down my face, heart pounding, adrenaline pumping, and pushing myself to the limit.