Today was definitely one of the more difficult days of the year. After what was a great weekend with a long run with a solid finish, and then an awesome tempo run on Sunday, I was feeling great (well better than before but not 100%) and that Around the Bay was on, and could still manage to get a PB. However, Monday was a pretty painful start to the week, but I just figured that was normal considering the hard last few days of training. Tuesday, I thought I would be back, but no, pain is an understatement to what I felt for the entirety of the 21k haul around the neighborhoods. With every step I hurt. Not just in that damn leg, but everywhere. My body literally felt like it was falling apart, at every since one of my joints - my feet hurt, tibias, knees, hips, everything was hurting. Then today came, and as you probably know by now, on the Wed. before all my races I do a solid fast workout to set the stage for Sunday, and take mental note of my feelings throughout, always aiming to end the workout fast but with energy left in the legs to leave me confident and wanting more. Got to York, nice an early, did a good hour long swim, then marched outside to do a 8k warmup before the workout. First couple steps, okay that's okay, then 1k in and damn I'm in agony. 4k I literally stopped, and took a seat on a close-by snowbank. I'm not going to going into detail of everything I said outloud to myself, at this point I did not care if someone passed by or whatever, but basically it went like this, "I can't do this anymore, I'm done with this." I ran the last 4 k back, in silence, I turned my music off, and just hobbled back to the gym. Being me I did a couple running drills and for a moment thought eh what the hell let's grab my spikes, and head to the track. But as much as every part of me wanted desperately to go, every part of me could not go bring myself to put myself through that pain again. So I got changed, and left the gym in silence, pissed off, angry, annoyed, frustrated, confused, and losing hope. Honestly, I don't know what I feel, or what to do. All I know is that right now Around the Bay is in serious doubt.
Believe me, I have tried so hard, and given everything I got to try to run a successful race on Sunday. No one can possibly question my drive, my discipline, and work ethic. I have battled so much adversity, and usually I use the tough times as something to look back on on race day for motivation, to say to myself look what I had to go through to get here. But right now, I wish for once I didn't have to push through and face adversity constantly. For once, why can't it be easy, and let me run uninhibited and free. Running is everything to me. It's my social life, my after-school activity, my defining feature that makes me who I am, and makes me different. So if I am in pain during my run, and unable to run like I want to and need to, the strain it causes is mentally exhausting. I'm not the type to give up, nor will I ever stop trying, so right now the plan is simple. Don't run for the next 3 days - thurs, friday, and saturday, and pray to God that I wake up Sunday with my leg rested and ready to race. Obviously taking 3 days, and since today was a joke of a run, and yesterday's 21 was pathetic, so really 5 day off before a race is not optimal, nor is it conducive to achieving the time I set out to accomplish, but maybe, just maybe, my body will recover and let me be me on Sunday. You may ask, why is this race on Sunday so damn important. You are young, aren't their so many more races to come, this is just an insignificant one along the path to bigger and better things. Because, I see each race as an individual goal, or objective, or task, whatever you want to call it. I set a goal, and by not lining up on Sunday, I failed to achieve that goal, meet that objective, or accomplish that task. Just as much as I love to win, I am absolutely terrified of failure. So, I will rest the leg, try to do some pool running to keep that neuromuscular connection, and pray that God will grant me this miracle, and maybe have a transcendent performance on the weekend.
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